Five Types of Aldub Fans on Twitter (Part 2)

*continuation of Five Types of Aldub Fans on Twitter (Part 1)

4. THE ALDUB IMMORTALS

Who says dead people tell no tales? They’re on Twitter -with testimonies and hashtags, in tow. They are fans like me -heavily invested on Aldub. (sometimes, my current mood traces its roots, back to a previous episode of the Kalyeserye)

In between living and dying, Aldub IMMORTALS lose consciousness easily.

Hindi puedeng gulatin. Hinding-hindi puedeng mabiyayaan ng bossing savings.
Kung sakaling mabigyan man, a very gentle “regine!” (whoweew) will do.
Kailangan naka insured — kasi, laging kinukuha ng liwanag, kinukuha ng lupa o sinusundo ng mga kamag anak na matagal ng namayapa.
Sila yung laging namamaalam at naghahabilin.

*IMMORTALS musy have direct and immediate access to:

the chemical element 0 -with atomic number 8
boxes of ammonia
boxes of Valium
nebulizer
astral travel
memorial plans
ambulances
red cross
first aid
plants and greenhouses

baristas
“pa order ng one Caramel Macchiato, please, venti.”

medics
“pa order ng oxygen, one tank, please, grande”!

lawyers
” pa order ng last-will & testament -na may kasamang konting bilis!”

They have signatory tweets which begin with either goodbye or hello. Goodbye World!” , “ Hello Heaven” and “Hello Casper”

They are Aldub fans who declare their deaths…recurrently.

They succumb to Myocardial Infarction…repeatedly.

They flatline and D.O.A….periodically.

They are at the E.R…regularly
(mostly at 2:30 pm on a thursday or a saturday, then they get resurrected on a sunday)

These are the IMMORTAL fans, who, via their tweets, claim that it was those ninja-hokage moves of Alden to Yaya Dub, which killed them. ( as in my dialect, ninja ray mupatay ninjo)

( that or they were exterminated by the deadlier moves of Alden to Maine—more lethal for the fans, since it is off-cam , in crouching tiger, hidden dragon fashion)

“Grabe ka Alden, walang awa mo kaming pinatay!”

They encounter near-death experiences by means of the kilig episodes of the Kalyeserye.

Funny are the requests they make:

“Pakihukay nalang po ng mga mass graves.”

Or how they show concern for their co-fans, on Twitter, by checking if they are still around, or if they have gone to the other side:

” Tao po! Kumusta? Buhay pa ba tayong lahat, o, nag iis-spirit of the glass nalang po ba tayo dito?”

They keep coming back from the after life – ever ready to be subjected to another round of death-defying kilig.

NOW, if you are NOT an Aldub fan, or a fan of Aldub fans , like me, you would never understand their tweets.

BUT, IF YOU ARE, then these funny Aldub IMMORTALS and their extraordinary out-of-body-experience tweets, will make your day (like they do to me).

Nakakatawa lang talaga yung mga tweets nila.

5. THE ALDUB CONSUMERISTAS

They consume an enormous amount of everything Aldub. They patronize the commodity or service that Aldub promotes.

Tiga abang ng bagong commercials. Tiga bili sa supermarket ng bagong endorsement ng Aldub.

In short, addict lang. ( parang yung nagsulat nito)

They are the religious followers of Maine and Alden’s O.O.T.D. (outfit of the day).

The guy FANS would be checking out Alden’s shoes.

( as it was in a shoe store that I went to, the shop keeper said, ” Ay naku po, pag sinuot ( shoes) na ni Alden, kinabukasan out of stock na po.”

While the girls on the other hand, would be obsessing on what Maine is wearing from her clothes, bags, shoes to her make-up.

Their playlists on Spotify are Aldub theme-songs.

As posted on their I.G.s and twitters they are the elite few who seem to get copies of the magazines featuring Aldub, even before (surprisingly ) the magazines hit the stands.

Believe you me. Their posts have made me panic many times.

Why yes, I too, fall on this category.

I am not a heavy twitter user and I may not be able to thank them personally, but being consumerista, makes me give back to the Kalyeserye squad: the lolas-3Ts, Yaya and Alden, the laughter and happiness they bring on t.v. and into my heart.

One Big Family

Kalyeserye conducts sparks and attracts iron (laging nakukuryente at nauubusan ng dugo ang mga fans). It has the highest voltage for dynamism and magnetism. It electrecutes! (hangcute lang kasi ng mga lolas and Aldub)

While the fans belong to one big family. (reminds me of my own big one)

They fight.They have disagreements. They may sometimes threaten each other— with scissors, cuss words or fountain pen aimed straight at the jugular.

O kung sino ang matatanggalan ng mana kay mama. Or who gets to lose boardwalk in Monopoly.

It is a family which might have Jedi siblings -siblings who influence the others more. They wave their twitter hands on the screens -in Jedi master flair and tweet, “Today we declare peace, no more fighting amongst Aldub fans.” And peace arrives at the house of the family.

Some are like the eldest children, asserting their authority. Some are like the middle children, no care in the world. Some are like the youngest children, seeking for attention all the time.

But yes, at the end of the day, at the end of the day, at the end of the day and may this cliche strike you down like falling timber, they would ALL unite for their idols.

Me which fan am I?

I am #3 and #5

I am also that Tita in the family who stays at the side lines, waiting for further instructions from Aldub fans on twitter because hindi ako makasabay sa kanila.

I depend on them for jargons, for fossil tweets, for BTS and for OOTDs.

I also cannot back read, like them.

I cannot lip read.

I cannot see the future.

I kennet!

N.B.

Having written this post, I also realized that the real fans do not have the time to bash or even leave ugly and hurtful words because everybody is just so busy being an Aldub fan.

Too busy doing the following:

Soco-ing.

OOTD-ing,

Breathing,

Copying Maine’s eyebrow,

Inquiring about the availability of Alden’s shoes,

Searching for Maine’s lipstick, na lagi nalang out of stock,

Searching for magazines,

Replenishing oxygen tanks,

Applying for life insurance,

and Praying for forever.

So which fan are you?

a little of everything

heavy on both

everything except one

or

all of the above