A Note On Happiness

“The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances.”-Martha Washington

Years ago during my freshmen year, my U.P. teacher asked me what the essence of my existence was. “Happiness!” I happily supplied my answer. What else could have, a provincial lass like me said, after being able to study in the big city? I was your garden- fresh produce taken from the beloved city which they firmly pertained to as “province”.

I was often asked with questions like, “So what province do you come from”…And the regular answer they got from me would begin with “Cagayan de Oro has been a CITY since June 15, 1950,”… (Razor deep, cutting edge)

My teacher asked once more “So are you happy, like now?”

“Subra ‘kong happy sir”, I stated it with my thick Visayan accent which I am so proud of…

“Why do you say, you are happy?” this of course he had to ask.

“Well sir,” I said beaming with pride, “… of the blank number of highschool students who took the UPCAT, I belong to that few blank thousand who passed it…”

(1990’s freshmen-guide effect…they could just make you believe how extremely superior you are… then later on strip you of that credence as you meet the real geniuses from the science high schools who speaks like:given that X therefore Y; a billion brain synapses developed during their infancy,I presumed. Ah, And to be born bright…. and beautiful like those kids from the exclusive high schools in Manila with their Lacostes, their porcelain skins, their umha, and their some kinda. (lucky just had to be their middle name.)

Then without warning, the final question to the million dollar game show was then asked,“Well, SUBRANG happy freshman from the province (… CITY!) of Cagayan de Oro…WHAT is happiness to you?”

HU, WHAAAAT?
(The agency did not mention this…your such a loser yaya!)

I knew then and there that, THAT would have been a good time to leave…. pack my bags, blue books and do some TIME travelling … (perhaps in 1800’s cosmopolitan Paris when vampires ruled)

Or as my brothers would say “ unsa man, Ate? mag panic ta? Sige panic ta!) Or in Tagalog “o ano mag panic tayo? Sige, panic na tayo!!!)

And so the fangs of this teacher from team Jacob exposed itself …“So how could happiness be an essence of your existence when you do not know what it is? And even if you do know what happiness means, there still would be times when you are not..”.

(Pause, a totally dramatic one)(The class in complete silence…like that in silence of the lambs)

“So if you are in that “NOT HAPPY” state, therefore you cease to exist, is that it? “(Really big fangs there.)

And for an encore just as many of my UP teachers do that time, he picked up his class cards and said “Alright people, see you on Thursday!” (..Playing Zeus to my Perry Jackson)

I became UNhappy the whole semester…Why did I ever answer, happiness? If I answered differently like “ the essence of my existence is the instinct to kill” then I could have aptly answered his question with “therefore sir, kindly affirm my essence……so that YOU my dear teacher will cease to exist”.But well it was I and not him who was left traumatized all because I and I alone, …DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPINESS IS?

And I hoped that my major subjects had the answer. I sought the popular account on being by Rene Descartes “Cogito ergo sum”. I think, therefore I am.

Surely I did exist, for who could be doing the thinking, if I didn’t? My existence should in itself already give me enough reason to be HAPPY.

I was happy that I existed. I existed because I was happy. And this obviously begged the question. So I had to discard that.

Or maybe the answer laid on Jean Paul Sarte’s Existentialism; existence precedes essence. (The thought of being alive already affirmed the core of my being… but then again was existence in itself enough? So what essence were we talking about?… of which my existence proceeded from…

And bringing me back to the question, “what is the essence of my existence”… I was ensnared by a vicious cycle…)

Or John Stuart Mills’ Utilitarianism and The Greatest Happiness Principle..Did I find joy in doing things for the greater good? Is that where my happiness lay? But more often than not an individual’s personal joy always gets compromised by the majority. Nah, scrap this one…I did not think I was a person for others…

Or maybe Immanuel Kant’s deontological position on duty and moral obligations…Once in a while,something intrinsically good will bare itself and I do what I am obliged to do…But then sometimes a polite lie has to happen. Most especially if someone whose button is popping out and whose confidence depended on my answer out rightly asked me if she had lost weight. I could not be morally correct all the time for I would surely obtain enemies.

In short, I did not find the answer. So, I opted for world peace and I, thank you.

Fast forward… year 2009…. I see that question posted by my dear girlfriend “D” on fb. She was asked by our good friend “M” (who has remained philosophical…as ever from our Montessori days to UP.) “Are you happy D?” (Panic bells heard by D) (Unsa man panic ta?) I am pretty sure the question left my friend surprised, sad and confused for she could not immediately answer that question…So my friend D had to seek all her friends’ opinion on her state of being. I should say that it may be same question from years back.

Surely if someone would ask me that very question right now, I still would not be able to answer it. I might say that they ask me later on after I have regained my patience over my son who downright refused to sleep.

Or I would request them to come back with their query as soon as I would be able to appease my husband who might be in a bad mood. No one can readily define happiness and quickly answer that they are.But then again WHO could? A hypocrite may be.

How can one conclusively say “I am happy.” There would be times that you may be happy but later on you may not be.

I still until now may not be able to sincerely define happiness; but I have learned to manage the question through categorical imperatives from one great thinker I know, my mom.

First, do not question yourself with “ Am I happy?”(you will just feel lonely) Neither should you compare yourself with others’ “happy state” nor should you desire their situation.

Sometimes they might have fooled you in thinking that they are; when just like you, they are also trying to define happiness.

Happiness like all other things is relative.

What can make you happy may not make them happy. In the same way that those things that leave them elated may not necessarily hold true for you.

Second, do not try to find happiness anywhere for as they say “happiness resides in the heart. It is not a quest that you implore, it is an option really. We choose to be if we want to be.

Third, stop looking for the greater meaning of happiness but instead think of those simple pleasures that have made you smile, laugh and holler. Once in a while try to think about them, bunch them up and together they will volunteer themselves to create one grand thing called happiness. As I have said “my being a woman, daughter, sister friend, single lady, lover, wife and mother have given me different kinds of Happy”.

Just think of those who made you happy; or what, when, where, and why? So many things could give you different kinds of happy, so how in the world can you not be?

It’s just in general, happiness is hard to classify. It is a splendid thing, this one they call happiness and well like all other feelings…simple yet complex.

And lastly, happiness may be something one can take or give to you. The most important thing is that you are the one who would give it, rather the one who would take it away.