“If you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will of course frantically try to clamber out. But if you place it gently in a pot of tepid water and turn the heat on low, it will float there quite placidly. As the water gradually heats up, the frog will sink into a tranquil stupor, exactly like one of us in a hot bath, and before long, with a smile on its face, it will unresistingly allow itself to be boiled to death.”
—Version of the story from Daniel Quinn’s The Story of B
Source: WIKIPEDIA
Although it has been noted that the truth of this anecdote has been discarded by contemporary biologists, many have conveniently used the boiling frog anecdote as a useful metaphor in life.
I am one of them.
It has been seventeen years when I first heard of “the boiling frog anecdote” from my bff Iris in one of our theoretical discussions.
I would not know if her Humanities class required her book review on “The Story of B.”
And I too wouldn’t know why she relayed to me that frog anecdote on that particular afternoon in our Ilang-ilang dorm. But I guess, I just was meant to hear that from her.
My personal metaphor regarding the boiling frog syndrome may not be as grand as the paradox of the heap or that of climate change. But the rationale behind has handily been of service to me. It has been a reference for my judgment with people and events in my life.
Once an individual I know or a certain situation I am accustomed to, begins to show signs of transformation so to speak, I then label them as “the gradually boiling temperature.” And when these relations and circumstances begin to change for the worst or just plainly unfold their real hideous nature, I let them be, by leaving them behind.
As many of my friends from school and work know, I generally cannot stand people and events layered with deception for I always truthfully present myself to anyone. I am what I am—with weaknesses and strengths.
And also when someone I know begins to make a true mockery of himself by suddenly pretending to be what he is not , I simply avoid the person. I do not want to perpetuate in the lie by encouraging the friendship. Besides who would like to engage in a conversation with a fool who abruptly blabbers things just to come out intelligent?
Just when both of you know where he is coming from. Or converse with someone who thinks you are not aware that the commentary coming from his mouth are not his but a mere duplication of someone else’s thoughts.
Apart from acting foolish, the undertaking sends the message that he too finds me idiotic enough to believe in him.
Besides it can be dangerously contagious, you know. I, too, might fall into the trap of believing that it is alright to become phony as long as you appear scholarly.
I am very much aware of what I know and what I can do, in contrast to what I do not know and what I cannot do. So I am secured in who I am. And I have long learned to accept the things I cannot change.
Even my grade school and high school classmates could attest that I am what they remembered me to be. I need not to engage in mental exercises or deep conversation just to affirm that I have intellect. I find joy in whatever modest knowledge I have .
I find myself in my happiest, in the most trivial ideas that I share. (The most favourite topics would be the ones about showbiz, celebrities, family and loved ones.)
Therefore, I most definitely am disheartened with those, who try their best to be what they are not ; Only to appear pitiful, I may add. I celebrate in the fact that only few of them chanced upon my life and I simply walk away from them.
In the same manner would I treat my state of affairs, as one might say. Once it becomes unpleasant and unrealistic, I do not wallow in it nor do I patiently wait for my end as my “dear frog” would. I surely would not want to stay in a situation which is bound for its doom.
And I too would not want to waste my time with a person who is a complete sham. It must be the reason why the friends that I have, have persisted in time, for I am a great believer in the genuine article.
And perhaps that is why I fell in love with my husband. He never swayed me with highfalutin ( or make that hifalutin ) words that till now I cannot spell. Nor did he try to cover his not so beautiful past. The beauty of our first phone conversation actually rested on the reality that we did not have to be who we are not. So we did not surprise each other with our shortcomings and faults; I, with my cooking (nagging actually) and him with his temper.
And we take confidence in our strengths which have drawn us to one other in the first place; I, with my astuteness and him, with his intelligence and business acumen. Avoiding highly pretentious characters have not only been a major criterion in my life but it also has been a great help in all my relationships may it be at work, in love or in friendship. As I am on the topic on relationships, I must state that my experience has drawn up boundaries of issues on being ‘burnt out” with a job and on terminating a relationship.
Thus, it came as a great surprise to me that my opinion concerning “goodbyes” has recently been sought by close friends and even by mere acquaintances these past few months. And stuck between clueless and clued-up, I simply offered the boiling frog anecdote with the inclusion of happiness as a gauge (in staying or leaving the person or situation.)
Firstly to my girlfriend (you know who you are) who described her situation as a flat line, I had to say “isn’t life about being alive?”
What is the point in staying? Clearly no other catalyst could change things for the better, so one just has to move on and quick. It is because one might begin to accept the situation as the only choice there is or one will end up as heartless as the one that brought the pain.
And to make it easier for the person to decide, should pain be the determinant, let happiness be the gauge. Beside I am pretty sure misery has never been anyone’s goal in life.
So I if one is not happy I say “pack your things, girl and leave”. There is no point in remaining with the person and in the environment if he, she or it highly contributes to one’s misery.
Although I am aware, as one of my guy friends related that a lot of one’s happiness is dependent on the person or the situation.
But if that same person who supposedly brings you happiness also brings forth pain, it just simply negates the point.
Prolonging the agony does not equate ultimate sacrifice. And when did becoming immune and apathetic to the pain be associated with the one true love? Isn’t apathy the opposite of love?
Just as I have recently told someone from my old high school, sometimes we just should not wallow in whatever circumstance we are in because it just might be the cause of our end. It isn’t a huge choice, actually.
It is because between happiness and pain, life and death, it does not need a smart fellow to decide. As I have told one girlfriend,
“you could be that dear DEAD frog that stayed or that dear ALIVE frog that leaped.”
