Despite my limited knowledge on topics regarding courtship, relationships and love life , (the married life-wisdom though, I have yet to harness..) I am sought after by friends , men and women alike, regarding these matters. Guy friends continue to ask me on baffling characteristics exhibited by this life form called women.( -who unfortunately for them, unlike any other gadgets, do not come with a manual) And even stubborn girlfriends who continue to react , over react , whine and may not believe me at times , still find my pieces of advice sound and practical. It must have been because I have not put trust in MYSELF on points regarding women but I have sought other men’s opinions:
Greg Behrendt’s and John Gray’s books are my references:
So as stand up comic David Chappelle once said, ” Why do Women ask advices regarding Men from well,… other WOMEN ?” ( it makes it all more complicated,) “While Men, he said, they simply ask advice about Women from well other Women.”
This I agree.
Girls, it is best to engage in a sincere talk with Guyfriends regarding GUYS.A piece of advice or sense of warning though , especially to my Nikki girlfriend, (- Nikki is a person in “He’s Not Into You” whose personality is quite a challenge) “DO NOT fall for the guy giving you those pieces of advice, just because he looks so sweet giving you that.. I saw this happen a thousand times before. Women do take advantage of this poor lamb of a man, really.
Or maybe like me, you can pick on a habit of eavesdropping on conversations between brothers or on single men having lunch on the other side of the table.
( married men’s conversation are, well, too married)
Even boys under my husband’s employ find it hard to imagine how I am informed with their love lives when I am just consigned by the table in the office. ” Si Ate, talaga!”, they would say. However, listening to my husband’s conversations with friends does not qualify as eavesdropping, for his voice just bellows in the whole house. (..get married to someone with a loud voice so you will know if something is not right when he suddenly whispers on the phone…)
But I prefer asking men information directly, than eavesdropping on them. It is because it is too tiring to listen to and swim through a pile of words like Miami,Dallas, Boston,The Invincible Dirk with 102 fever and The InviSible Le Bron, the tool box, gadgets, warranties, checking accounts, credit card charges, technology, Mags, ,boot , hood, fender, chassis, mudguard, spoiler and including the double entendre, bumper.
But when girlfriends send me text messages like this: “Ate Anj, thanks, hugs, lets just say I am marketable these days.” Then it is enough for me to conclude that for women to know more about Men you should ask other Men or ..eavesdrop on them. Girlfriend to girlfriend conversations on men and their ways will just muddle the issue. You see I offered this “now marketable girlfriend” pieces of advice taken from a dossier of men based from credible sources : MEN
We call it The Me Campaign…But this of course is offered only to women who are in need of a confidence boost. WOMEN, really ( hey, you! Man, you reading this?But I hope after this, I still am privy to your thoughts ?)
Before We make it to MEN, let’s drop ” N ” and take ME. So please, please concentrate on your GOOD points.You know how it is in marketing when they say , “You have to know the product and love the product? Begin with… ” Stop nit picking on yourself”! (I know, hahaha, I used to be a top notch on this, I have annoyed many) I was never a fan of my feet because I find them too big ,(size 9 , standing only at five feet three, huge) And yet, after five years of marraige , my husband still tell me how he fell in love me and my FEET? (think of that story about the Deer and his Antlers and its moral which was – For every weakness there may be a strength, and for every strength there is a weakness.)
Though, you may argue that pick up lines do not start with ” You have a gorgeous cerebellum , care to check my medulla oblongata” , ones sweetness, understanding, kindness, patience,
intelligence,humor and wit are equally attractive as the physical counterparts like the bosom ,waist,hair, face, lips, eyes, and legs .And you would be surprise to know that more than anything, those are what most guys marry in a woman.( But ,oh well alright, if smarts came with physical endowments, what guy would not say ” I do” to that , right?)
But really just start Knowing and Loving yourslf .How is it that you can easily spot others good traits while you have a hard time doing that on your own self? Your only ally? Treat yourself self as an idea or a concept or a product that you are trying to market but before you could do so, you have to know every good attributes it has.
Believe in the product. YOU.
Thus on your own you will discover beauty, even shapely legs, flawless skin, tantalizing eyes as they call it in my time, and of course intelligence, humor, wit, business acumen, listening ear , delectable cooking and your me campaign list now goes on. We’re done with that. And you follow me up with “He does not know that I exist part….”Therefore, let it be known that “You exist”…He ( or whoever you want to find you) will not of course find you if you would just contain yourself in a certain square meter of space, trying your very best NOT to be found. As one girlfriend puts it , you have to broaden your horizon.I guess ,one thing I have overlooked, before , was having limited my self to a routine of work , home , work and church.
There is nothing wrong with that for somehow God gave my husband directions so he would find me.
( but he did not travel towards me through the speed of light though, it took time, more of a brisk walk speed.)
It’s just once in a while, one has to socialize or lose the skill..
So to stir my routine a little bit, I took dancing classes and a sport called badminton.
I went out with friends, movies, coffee, attended weddings, baptisms, birthday parties
and other social gatherings ( I, however did not find my way into bars and night spots maybe because I was too old for it and I just don’t get heard in there. 🙂
And all these too because of my friends words,
“It’s like praying to God that you win the Lottery when you have not even bought a ticket yet.”
Or,
“You pray to God and St. Raphael , yet you do not do your part in at least making it easier for Them.”
Or ,
“How can you be GOOGLED when you have not tagged yourself”
Just like in marketing you have to “position” yourself in the market.
You need to make yourself known.
However,
PLEASE do not confuse “making -yourself -known- by advertising -yourself” with “throwing yourself to any guy you would meet along the way”.
These are totally two different things
I do not adhere to the the Vilma Santos line.
” Para kang karinderya na bukas sa lahat ng gustong kumain”
I shall always stick with my blogpost ” Girls, We Are Worthy ”
http://pierangeliangsen.blogspot.com/2009/09/girls-we-are-worthy.html
Advertise yet hold back on a few details so the mystery remains.
Pero hindi naman yung naka belo ka ng itim, lipstick na itim at may dalang kandila ka na itim, ibang mysteryo na yan.
( But not in a black veil, black lipstick while bringing a black candle though for that would be altogether a different kind of mystery)
In having KNOWN, YOU and made YOU-KNOWN , You may want to pitch the product.
But Do not be pitching the product too high or too low.
Do not set your standards too high that you will be pining for the moon but not too low to make a mockery of yourself, just in between, plausible and workable.
So we reach the crucial part which is , where and how do you Pitch YOU?
I find reason to believe or well I created reasons to believe that another Man will be of help. Malcolm Gladwell’s Book Tipping Point.. Although the author did not write this book for women like me and my girlfriends, Tipping point is helpful because it has assessed the unique social behavior of people when accepting or rejecting a concept, product or idea.
The author states that ” Tipping point pertains to the dramatic change in that precise moment in time” ( of which success or failure follows) and this ” Tipping point is determined by three epidemics so he calls it.
And these are:
- The Rule of Few
- Stickiness Factor
- The Power of context
So how did I ever think it could help my girlfriends?
Well lets start with
THE RULE OF FEW
His ” Rule of Few” affirms the truth that the ELITE-few has supreme control over the majority BUT what was different though was that the author identified these Elites as these three types of personalities who are licensed to carry on the concept of “The Rule of Few” :
- The Connectors
“The author describes this group of people as those who have a vast network of friends and acquaintances”.And that accordingly, “if presented with a directory , they may know more than half of the names in there.”
He calls them “The Social Glue” - The Mavens
He calls this group of people as the ” bearer of information”. He pertains to them as the social databanks from which other people take their information from.
In other words if the connectors ” collect people, this type of elite, collects information -
Salesman or Senders
These type of people are well salesmen they are able to sell, a thought, a need an idea easily to anyone.
I concluded that The Rule of Few supports that mystery factor involved in making yourself known..In anything it always is The elite that establishes if YOU are well unrealizeable.There is some degree of inconsistency though of advertising yourself yet staying unobtainable. This is just the “thrill of the chase “‘ part I know about men.
Men seem to run after what appears to be unattainable. But before they come chasing after you , you need to employ the help of a connector, a maven or a salesman. It would be nice to know someone who knows everyone. The Directory Person. Find that CONNECTOR-personality among your friends. Hang out with someone like him once in a while..He will introduce you to someone, somehow. He will make you known. Or a MAVEN. You would have friends like them for sure. Try to assimilate his information regarding people, events and things. As it was said “Who best gain from a conversation between a wise man and a fool?” Find these friends who holds information .You will benefit from them.It will prove helpful later on as you carry on a conversation with someone.
Or a SALESMAN or SENDER
They just have the knack of persuasion that they can sell to people the very same watches that those people themselves are already wearing.They could also be friends who say good things about you on the exact moment when the person you want yourself known will be within hearing distance.Yeah, ok you can stage it.He would most likely be that bridge. And when this personality says good things about you
Then You HAVE ARRIVED.
Kahit hindi ka uso
Mauuso ka.
Even if you are not the trend, you will be.
STICKINESS
He calls this the factor that which makes an idea ” STICK” or remain in the minds of those who chanced upon it.It is not most likely your sameness but your difference that will stick on the minds of other people.Your loud but sincere laugh, your sense of humor, your toussled hair, your too big round eyes or your pouting lips, CAPITALIZE on that !( but do not go overboard by channelling Marilyn Monroe all night with those pouting lips)
POWER OF CONTEXT
This according to the author is set on the belief that Tipping Point or that dramatic change is dependent on how the environment perceives it. And yes always put value on yourself for it is how the environment will also treat you..
As the authour summed it all up:
“A concept is born through the rule of Few
Then its Shelf life is determined by it’s stickiness factor
And lastly the concept will persist as long as the environment allows it.”
So you call the shots in lifeYou are unattractive only if you allow them to call you that.Their conception or misconception about YOU is information, supplied by YOU. And it is only a matter of knowing the right persons and hanging out with them which would make the concept of YOU, the way you want it to be. Although the author would not agree with the idea, that I used his book as reference for women and our personal tragedies , it did boost confidence to many girlfriends I know. My apologies to Malcolm Gladwell also for having used his book in this manner, petty , but it fetched positive results.
So now I know few girls who bear in mind that, the much needed tipping point or that dramatic change in that precise moment in ones life may happen if one will just find the right way and right people to make it happen.
Then you will be TRENDING…
